At church tonight we talked about Cain and Abel and how the descendants of Cain, because of Cain's murdering and lying to God would be cursed.

Cain pleaded with God, telling him that those who knew of him would surely kill him, but God marked Cain ensuring that those who saw him and wanted to kill him would not, now understanding that they would "suffer a vengeance seven times over" for their murdering.

Today, I feel like a descendant of Cain.

Ryan vs. Kelly

Kelly: If I’d have created a website with as many problems, I’d kill myself.

Ryan: Do you have a question Kelly?

Kelly: Yeah I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?

If you know me well

you know that I'm scared (like, completely terrified) of Klaus Nomi, but I think I have found a trumping hand.

Watch this only if you are deeply secure in your Christian spirituality (a little dramatic, but seriously.)

Scary

I won't even post the video code, it's got to be a link.

Vaya Con Dios

Choose More

I was talking with a teacher friend earlier, and he brought up a truth I've been thinking about all day.

We were discussing politics and he remarked, "We always choose between the lesser of two evils, and that always results in evil."

I think this is a process widespread.

So, when and why did searching become choosing? I think there's a time and place for each, but they are not synonymous. They are not interchangeable.

How many times have we, when considering a career, or a school, or a relationship chosen the road oft-traveled because, while we didn't know where it would lead, we knew others were with us. We eumphemize "commiseration" by calling it"security."

We point our compasses towards the safe with our necks craned towards the unknown.
What about choosing passion over practical? What about choosing to come alive instead of simply not dying. There's a reason we obsess about mistakes, there's a reason we revisit missed opportunities, or spend lifetimes trying to replicate experiences. We're designed for more, we're bigger than boxes and I believe God hates it when we settle.

The easy way is seldom the right way. The lesser of two evils is always still evil.

Come alive, choose more.

One Soldier's Confession

I wish I didn't believe him.

Life is Epic

I haven't discussed this via blog. But it's a project myself, Mike, and recently, Travis have started to work on. I'll explain more later, but if you've got room in your prayer time, throw one up for a huge project that I think could change a lot of things.

I know it's changed me.

My Roundabout

I feel like lately, I'm at a constant crossroads.

Stopped. Waiting, thinking, deciding.

I think a roundabout more accurately describes it. I'm circling a roundabout searching for the proper exit, fearing that the choosing the wrong exit will send me into a desert wasteland filled with failed opportunity.

We pacify ourselves through comforts and conveniences. After all, God wants us to be happy and peaceful right?

Peaceful, but not sedated. And certainly not stagnant. I believe that truly, though we're circling this roundabout, we're essentially moving backwards. We're losing time, we're losing opportunity and it's as productive as moving backwards. Since moving backwards in time is impossible, being stagnant is just as grievous.

We've been resting our laurels on cold cliches like "When god closes a door, he opens a window" and my favorite "pray until something happens." I think though, that our faith has become passive in that we're expecting some form of divine street sign signaling us into utopia.

I think though, that God wants us to risk, and if we're risking it means that we're acting proactively into the will of God. We know God's general direction, and for some of us, that may be all the assurance we get before we make a move.

We can be certain that when there are opportunities for change, and for peace and for love and growth and helping, there too God is. We need to make moves toward these things. Because circling a roundabout takes us nowhere.

Take an exit, make a mistake, but move.

"More is lost by inaction than by wrong action"

It's

been a hard week. I'll be writing more tonight.

Think about this quote.

"The deeper you inhale the stronger you can exhale" - Erwin McManus - Chasing Daylight

and give me your thoughts

Inheritance

I was walking through the mall yesterday when I noticed a huge annoying advertisement telling me that I need to "Get my Inheritance!" by supporting/going to the church ran by the picture of the pastor and his lovely wife.

Now, doesn't the word choice here seem a bit suspect? (other than the ambiguous use of the word "get") Doesn't "Inheritance" imply money? Why would this advertisement be in a mall, a place literally fueled by the spending of money? I don't think I'm stretching here to think that the advertisement was playing to our inherent association of the word "inheritance" with money, or resources or tangible goods.

I don't think it was an accident.

This problem is huge to me. Lately it's become close to my heart. We're propagating the idea that when one has faith in God, they begin to accumulate resources. That when you become a Christian, you become the smiling, wealthy, picture of contentment I found on the mall advertisement.

Is that what a Christian looks like?

What about the guy from the broken home who becomes a Christian?

What about the wife trapped in the abusive relationship? Will her becoming a Christian stop her husband from hitting her tomorrow?

What about the poor and uneducated? What about the fishermen?

Will they become prosperous by becoming a Christian? Will God transform their work ethic and opportunity, that they might be successful and prosperous?

Maybe, but maybe not.

I was reading today (after an awesome message on John 15) and the words from John 14:27 jumped off of the page "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

He said it.

The world wants us consumed with money and wealth. Isn't there is a very obvious correlation between the MALL and the word choice of INHERITANCE. We're constantly (and I'm so guilty of this) equating faith in God with success.

But I believe that Jesus would have told his disciples "Success I leave with you." But he didn't, he said "peace." He even made the distinction that he would give differently than the world, probably because he knew that later on, we'd start looking for Jesus to give us the same comforts as we expect from the world, when really, we're calibrated the complete opposite way.

I think really, Jesus is cutting to the chase, eliminating the middle-man of wealth and prosperity. Because think about it, when we buy a car, or buy new clothes or seek new jobs or relationships, what are we doing?

We're seeking peace, seeking contentment. Seeking to fill some hole placed within us.

Jesus is telling us that we'll find peace, which, I believe is what we're all looking for in the first place.

To give credit where credit is due, my students showed me this first. I thank God for that and them. John Piper says everything I just did, but way, way better.

I own the world.

I was getting gas today (62$) and I noticed a well-dressed man walking through the pumps on his way into the store. As I was watching him, I noticed that he looked down and saw a snickers wrapper.

He looked at it, kind of kicked it towards the door, and finally he picked it up and put it in the trashcan. My first thought was, "this guy has to be the owner, why else would he pick up trash if it wasn't his property?"

But then I started to think, aren't we the "owners" of the entire world? God created everything, and it's all His, but did not God give us, humans, dominion over the earth and everything in it? Why don't we pick up "trash" with the same mindset of a business owner?

We've been given power and responsibility, and we should take pride in our ownership.

Our pervasive "in case of rapture, this car will be unmanned" mindset has left us consumed with getting the hell out of here while we're forgetting to get the hell out of here. The world is God's but He's given it to us, leased it to us in a way, and I believe we're charged with the responsibility to take care of it, to grow it and to watch it thrive.

So, next time instead of walking by the wrapper, or practicing your soccer dribbling with the bottle, what if you just grabbed it, and took it to the nearest trashcan?

In that way, we're taking it, and giving it back to God.

In that way, we're getting the hell out of here. While we're still here.

Quote of the day

"Janitor, you ever looked at yourself and wish that you were different in every single way?"

"Nahh, I'm a winner"

Wah

Well, at the behest (ridicule) of some of my students, I've realized the folly of my noonewilleverunderstandme-mydaddidn'tplayenoughfootballwithme macbook picture.


Now I have a moustache

Something plain and beautiful.

I understand people because I am people.

There's a small beauty in everyone. I want to see it, each day I want to see it. It's a kind of assignment.

There was this lady at the grocery store, with a kind of beautiful pain in her face. She squinted when she smiled, and smiled sincerely, the kind that fades slowly so you know she means it.

And she liked me, I saw that too

But how she looked at people, she studied the lines in their faces, like rivers on maps. She understood people because she was people. She wanted more, wanted out of something, you could just tell.

Ask + Right Answer = Faith

Lately I've noticed that my faith in God is directly proportional to the amount of times that he gives me what I want. It's like the more prayers he answers (by answer I mean answers yes to whatever I'm asking for) the more willing I am to give and to feel secure in my faith.

Honestly, sometimes it frustrates me. To think of God as an unreasonable elitist who requires his followers to give things up, to measure themselves by an impossible standard. God wants us to sacrifice in order that we might gain?

I've heard it once, and it makes sense, that when God tells us not to do things, he's not arbitrarily throwing around rules for some divine amusement, really, what he's saying is "Don't hurt yourself."

Don't cheat on your wife. Don't hurt yourself

Don't steal. Don't hurt yourself

Don't concern yourself too much with possessions, people or feelings. Don't hurt yourself.

Because these things will hurt.

My experiences only confirm this. Any time I've spent following my own plan, earning my own trust, spending time distancing myself from where God wants me, has resulted in insecurity, worrying and pain in myself and others.

I'm always going to struggle with contentment, sometimes I feel like God could give me the perfect job/wife/car/child and I would still wonder if there were something more out there. It's my Achilles and I want nothing more than to overcome it. I'm learning though, that you can't crawl out of a hole by digging deeper (trite analogy.)

Freedom isn't found in having everything, it's found in having nothing and wanting nothing.

Pray for me.

How many times have you prayed healing for a sick friend? How many times have you asked someone to pray for you?

If God's will is that you are sick, you are sick right? If God's will is that you are suffering, you are suffering.

Is it God's will then, if you make a decision and are forced to suffer the consequences? Something profound has crept into my thoughts (through the help of Mr. Eldredge)

What if we understand that it IS possible to live outside of God's will? That God's will is his perfect path, but we're able (and often do) choose another way.

It is possible to live outside of God's will. To choose another way. If there was no way, why pray? Why evangelize? Why ponder the deepest meanings of scripture or recycle?

Because it's possible that we haven't made God happy. Think about the Lord's Prayer -- A scripture memorized by Catholics and Christians alike.

"Thy Kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven."

Why would Jesus tell his disciples to pray this way if it weren't true? Nowhere else in the bible does God have us repeat some mantra, in fact there are myriad verses describing that we're saved by faith, rather than works (Eph. 2:8 for example.)

So why, if God's will was not up for our choosing, would Jesus bother to pray for it? God doesn't seem interested in rote memorization.

But, what if God in his perfection created us to have stories that ended in us, and stories that ended in God and the ability to choose between them?

In one is found the peace of God's action, in the other, no promise of security. But each were written by the same Hand.

It almost seems like parallel events are happening in heaven, God's perfect will being acted out, and Jesus is begging God that what happens here on earth be a reflection of the goings-on upstairs.

Where people are choosing God's will.

So when Jesus prays this, he's asking that the perfect will of heaven would be made to happen here. On earth.

God's will is present in our lives, whether or not we are living it is our fight.

Green is the New Red (Herring)

Al Gore released his report showing that there's been no change in the climate since he released his Oscar-winning "An Inconvenient Truth."

There's an interesting phenomena that surrounds tragedy. It seems that people, regardless of their affiliation, like to surround themselves, at least partially, or perhaps "voyeristically", in tragedy. It's the reason people line up to attend the funerals of their acquaintances. There's a certain commiseration in corporate suffering.

I think the same thing is happening with "Global Warming." Now, I don't know exactly where I stand on the subject, I believe it's an issue the needs attention, but I think it's a bit blown out of proportion.

It's moved beyond a humanitarian concern to become a political and economical necessity. If you want people to vote for you, make sure you include the words "Green, Sustainable, Environment" in any order. If you want to sell cars, make sure you have a green leaf or similarly nature-themed icon located on your car.

I think we've been inoculated by our mass-hysteria. There is a placid sense of security, knowing that our impending doom is solvable, and solvable only through believing in our mighty government.

I'm not prone to conspiracy theories, but think about it. I don't believe our government created global warming, but isn't it possible that they've perpetuated it? Or at the very least supported it?

In hysteria, we become weak. We become needy, we become dependent. Isn't that an old military tactic? Starve the country and take them over? What if our recent obsession with sustainability has left us insecure and defenseless?

Here's the gravest injustice. While we're all paying attention to the waving hand of global warming, we're not paying attention to the suffering, and hunger and disease which is real, and not hypothetical.

People are dying today. The ice caps are melting tomorrow.

Being an A-hole is something that never came naturally to me. It's just the sort of business you fall into. Like answering a mystery ad. in the paper, or taking over your father's business.

I feel like an actor some of the time. Like I'm playing a role designed for someone else, a better actor, someone who wants to be an actor. I've always wanted to know, and to be known.

Pride is an anchor dragging, weighing into me in still moments that require my strength. The anchor that proves me, that qualifies me.

It jumps in front of my character, speaking quickly, before integrity can answer, calling all of the camera's attention. It steals every first impression, and preceeds my physical presence, often my representative speaking on my behalf.

My New Book.

I want to write a book, I just don't know what about.

I think the crazy stuff I think of would make a fine book, maybe a "Blue Like Jazz" meets "The Great Gatsby." That would be excellent.

I'll call it "Hemingway and Fitzgerald are Raging Inside Me"

Unfinished.

I have probably 500 unfinished stories and just as many songs in the same condition. I don't know why I can't seem to finish anything, the more I realize myself the more I'm understanding how distractable I really am.

I'm tired of being inside my head so much. This slothful start to a spring break has got me thinking about how much I really like being busy if only so that I don't have time to sit and think. Must turn the editor off.

I'm just sick of thinking about myself so much, not in a (well possibly in a) self-centered way but really, I'm tired of it. I think maybe it's God's agenda, the more we think about ourselves the more empty we realize that paradigm is.

See how distractable I am?

I want to start less sentences with "I."

Maybe the reason I have trouble finishing things is because I'm afraid to. I think that's what alcoholics call "a moment of clarity." I think that if I finish something, I'll be afraid of how good it's not. It's really easy to talk about all the things I "almost" did.

It's really easy because you don't have the responsibility of ownership. When you finish something it's done, and it's over and a new project waits to be approached, but if you leave things unfinished, there's always the possibility of revisiting it, or better yet, there's NO responsibility involved, no real risk.

But, the consequences of living a life filled with "almosts" and half-written pages is an empty one.

I will finish something everyday, starting with this stupid unedited blog.