Tuesday, October 31, 2006

whatever, goodnight.

I'm not sure what it is about me, about her, but something just doesn't feel right. Like sometimes i feel like i'm completely settling for security when what i want is the extraordinary. I don't want to believe that my best days are behind me. I'd love to look forward to something.


I want a story to tell. I feel like every time i sit down and write (to noone, mind you) all i'm doing is writing pathetic prose, skipping lines and adding italics for dramatic effect. I really don't have a story or method to my daily life. I have complaints and half-assed self realizations. I pretend that i'm a good writer, when I as far as i know, I can barely spell anymore.

Do i want to be a Lawyer? Do i want to be a teacher?

Am i smart enough for either, or am i just lazy enough to call it a "couldabeen"

whatever, goodnight.

Friday, October 20, 2006

wondering outloud the things i should be considering.?

I just drank two beers and i'm feeling talkative, but have noone to talk to. Lately i've been thinking about going to law school. I'm still determining my reasons for wanting to go, and I have no idea where to start. I dont know if it's just the desire to want to make more money (the more i find out about lawyerdom, the more i realize it's definitely NOT guaranteed prosperity), i dont know if its the desire to want to stay in school in complete avoidance of "real" life. I dont know if its the vain and shallow conceit that drives me to want to impress people with my occupation (but really, how often does one ask "what do you do?"). It's rare, and even if the question arised often, who the fuck cares? I'm not going to devote 3 more years of my education just for bragging rights?

I'd much sooner say to the question: "I'm a teacher, I'm a mechanic, i'm a nurse or a janitor for that matter, what does it matter? What i do to make money does not make me, me). It seems like too many people equate employment occupation with self justification. A person is not determined by the amount of money they earn, or by the seeming "importance" of their job.
A person is justified by the way they treat their friends, the way they treat their family, the way they treat their God. A person is only a person to other people.

That probably doesn't make sense, refer to line 2 of this blog for an explanation.

noone reads this, but that's ok. I love you.