Friday, September 19, 2008

I am a liar.

I am a liar.

I lie everyday, and more as I get older.

I tell people it's because I'm too young, or that I don't have time.

I tell people that I don't want to, or that I don't even think about it.

Sometimes I condescend them. Sometimes they believe me; often they do. Sometimes, I'm especially convincing and they're even jealous.

What I don't tell them is that I'm scared. At my core, I'm terrified of commitment. I'm scared of not being enough. I'm scared of her not being enough. I'm scared of settling and I'm too prideful to be that open. I'm scared that my novelty will wear off, or that I've made too many mistakes.

The problem with lies though is not that others believe them, it's that over time with enough consistency you start to believe your own.

4 comments:

the bear said...

This is the most beautiful thing I've seen you write. I love you brother! Your HONESTY here is unparalleled. You've got some balls man, I respect that!!!

Anonymous said...

1 John 1:9

TRAVIS said...

Truth.

Kyle Rocks Hard said...

its hard to make anything i say not sound clique and jaded. so i will let you know that this is one of the many reasons i look up to you, and the main one that i forever will.

i love you very much brother.

you kinda rule.