Saturday, January 09, 2010

On Coasting and Climbing.

A few years ago, I launched a mission to engage myself in the most uncomfortable situations possible. I actively sought the awkward. You had a place I didn't want to be? I'd go with you. You've got a person I didn't want to meet? I'd get their number (This didn't turn out well.) Reluctance became routine. The results were as expected, a full year of goosebumps, pocket-hands and witty banter. But, more importantly I've been blessed with a few new friendships and mentors I now wouldn't trade for anything. I also became an expert at moving furniture. It's very much like tetris.

I'm taking a similar approach this season, this time focusing on finishing things. It doesn't have to be indulging in a passion or driving the final nail into some life-changing project, but I think the challenge itself will change my life. And, it will be difficult.

I've always been excellent at starting things. From reports to relationships, the best part is the beginning. The part where you're swept into inspiration and the conversation flows naturally, and you think "this is how it should be." But I'm realizing that the beginning stages of anything are supposed to feel like beginning stages, and the hard, determined middle-stages have a feeling all their own. And the final stages are even better (so I hear.) My downfall is expecting the latter stages to feel as euphoric as the beginning. But coasting downhill can only take you into valleys. I'm learning that maybe there's a beauty in climbing out of them.

If I'm honest, I'm afraid of finishing. I'm afraid that I'll have to own the results, stand next to them; speak on their behalf. What if they aren't good enough? What if no one cares? But I'm tired of that and I'm tired of justifying my failure to finish.

I guess I'm learning that there is no climax without conflict. Here's to finishing things, starting with this blog.

4 comments:

Maid of Honor x2 said...

So true. I too start many things but rarely seem to finish anything. In my current relationship I think we are in a valley and we need to climb out to the mountain again. That was perfect for me to read today, thank you!

Rissa said...

"My downfall is expecting the latter stages to feel as euphoric as the beginning. But coasting downhill can only take you into valleys. I'm learning that maybe there's a beauty in climbing out of them."

You couldn't have worded this any more perfectly. It's like a lightbulb goes on when realizing that the euphoric feelings are only the beginning, and we don't need to be let down when we don't "feel" them in the middle and end. Nice job Sean, as always.

Seaner said...

Thanks Rissa. That means a lot. What's weird/providential is that I definitely didn't consider that possibility before I started writing this blog. I wish I would have done that idea more justice.

I guess it's kind of why writing is so necessary for us, it's some form of self counseling where yourself tells yourself how to be.

The Passerby said...

The first paragraph made me laugh out loud.

I really liked what you had to say in this - the thought of coasting into a valley is a really provoking one. I can completely relate to the easy and inspired starts followed by a long and hard haul to the finish that often keeps me from finishing at all. I've reached that place in my writing too many times.

I like your resolve to finish "starting with this blog", but I hope that doesn't mean an end to your posting. I've missed reading your blog, and I've missed the weird way reading blogs like yours makes me want to add to mine.

Keep it up, man. Can't change the world on my own ^_^