Making time for time.

I did it again.

I looked at my watch (phone) and it read 3:50.

I've developed such a fatalistic mindset, I know I have to be somewhere at 6:00 so now, when I look at the clock I perform lightning-speed subtraction to know that I have only a little over 2 hours beforehand. An hour and a half really; what with traffic and all.

Why am I always squinting and straining to see over the horizon? Why do I doom most coming events and let slip the hours and minutes in between?

If you've ever been slacklining or tightrope walking (yes, I do this) you know that the only way to keep real balance is to focus on a distant, but not-too-distant figure, something still, something planted. Perhaps a tree or a person tied to a tree. You focus on the object to give you a still point of reference, this keeps your head straight, which, in turn keeps your body and legs straight.

You stay on the line, but you miss everything below you. As soon as you look down at the swaying rope you lose it, you lose all foundation and get thrown.

I think I'm doing this with life, and I think I hate it. Something inside me says "Don't finish that project."
"Don't commit to anything."
"Don't pour yourself into something because likely, it will fail and look how good you have it here, here you're still walking, still moving somewhat."

Lies. Each of them.

The rope in all its turbulence needs looking after. Situations need remedying. Life needs living.

Life is waiting for us to have time for it.

What are we missing by focusing on the next job, the next friend, the next show or the next degree? What aren't we tending to while we're busy speculating?

So now, I look down at my watch (rope.) I have two hours before I have to be somewhere.

Two whole hours.